My friend was there at the time, and he was holding her head. I’d brushed her, cleaned her under her tail, and cleaned her face.
He didn’t have to do that — it’s not like we were doing things that she wasn’t enjoying — but he was there to protect me. I’d scooped snot out of her nose — we know each other very intimately.
He had his back to me, and he was holding the lead rope to make sure that she was okay and also to prove that I’d actually done it Because I didn’t get to know her first, and I’ve since come to understand that enthusiastic participation makes the experience better. I think a lot of people build up that first experience and whether they are straight or a zoophile. We were in a barn with all the lights out and a nice warm heater; it was lovely.
Bestiality, the act of having sex with an animal, tends to conjure images of a mucky, socially inadequate, desperate farmer sneaking into the barn after dark, or depraved groups of thrill-seekers forcing sex with drugged, abused, or otherwise mistreated animals (like the case of Douglas Spink and the animal-sex-tourism farm in Washington State).
But the sexual identity that can be attached to bestiality, zoophilia, remains little understood.
In 2002 the sex therapist Hani Miletski published Understanding Bestiality and Zoophilia, a book based on her study of almost 100 zoophiles — research that led her to conclude that many form deep, loving, and very nurturing relationships with their animal partners.
While it’s certainly not a homogeneous community, many “zoos” (as they are known to self-identify) are monogamous and live with their animals as if they were human partners.
As a result of legal restrictions — sex with an animal is illegal in most U. states and European countries — the lived experience of being a zoo is rarely heard outside of underground online forums or secret meet-up groups. There was a carnival in a parking lot across the street from my house and it had a parade of them walking around in circles.
I begged my parents to let me go so I could ride the ponies, but when I got on a horse’s back I was absolutely horrified. I think I was bothered by how awful the situation was for them.
All they did was go 'round and 'round; I could sense something about that in their attitude. It was a very interesting book — everything you ever wanted to know about horses.
At the time I didn’t really think of myself as different or unusual; it was just what I was interested in.
I wasn’t going to go broadcast what I was doing, but I also wasn’t thinking to hide.
I feel like my sexual development was bang on — I just had a different affection. And later I’d go to pre-internet online dial-up forums and that’s where I came across bestiality porn. As much as I later experimented with people, I was always sure I wanted horses.
And I didn’t realize it was abnormal at that time, but the comments attached to those pictures were all going on about how disgusting it was. So that would be when I was first aware that I was different. It was never a case of “I’m just giving this a try to see if I would prefer humans.”My first kiss was from a man named Mark.